dubstep
May 5, 2011, 10:42 PM
I wasn’t sure where to find a good place to talk about this or ask questions, so I am falling back on my “use a search engine and find a website with a name that describes my topic” tactic.
I’ve been married to my wife for almost 3 years, and we’ve been together for a little over 8. We started dating back in high school so neither of us did a ton of dating before we got together. She only really dated two other guys before me, and those were very short-term relationships, if you can really call dating someone for a couple weeks in high school a relationship. :P The entire time we’ve been together she has said that she was 100% straight, but I’ve always had the feeling she was lying to herself about that. She was raised Christian and, while I don’t have any issues with that, her parents and her faith gave her a sort of restricted view on who it was “OK” to be attracted to. In other words, she didn’t think it was right to be attracted to girls so she denied the attractions she felt. And for the first couple years we were together I pretended I “didn’t get” the attraction guys had to girl-on-girl situations because it really was a sort of taboo topic for her. Which I don’t blame her one bit for. If you are raised your entire life being told something is wrong, it’s hard to change your mind about that even when you are having internal conflicts about your own sexuality.
Throughout the years I’ve seen her have little “girl crushes” on a lot of her female friends. I know that kind of sounds condescending but I assure you, if you saw what I was talking about it, it really is the best way to put it and I mean it in the most loving way. She also seems to really enjoy porn that features girls, and seems to focus more on the girl(s) than the male participants. We are very open with each other about that sort of thing and will even watch it together, but she always seemed to shy away from the fact that she was watching the things she was watching because she is attracted to the girls. I never pushed the issue because I figured she would bring it up when she felt comfortable with it. I didn’t want her to pursue it out of some desire to please me because, by this point, I had given up the charade that I didn’t find two girls together attractive. She knew I thought it was attractive, but I had never proposed she herself do it.
A few months ago we were hanging out with some friends and we had a few drinks. My wife was being flirty with one of our female friends which didn’t really phase me since, like I said, she does it without realizing it all the time. Things started to go a bit further than they had before and my wife was getting more physical than I had ever seen her get with another girl. We’ve never done anything with anyone else or other couples or anything and neither of us have cheated on the other in the 8 years we’ve been together but, at the same time, we’ve always communicated with each other that if such a situation came up we wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to it so long as we check with the other person and all that. We are very comfortable with our relationship and don’t equate sexuality with infidelity so long as there isn’t any deceit or sneaking around involved.
My wife pulled me aside and just asked “Are you OK with this?” She was breaking through 23 years of repressed desire, was no doubt extremely confused about the entire situation and is such a sweetheart that she was concerned about how I felt about it—what a girl.:cool: I told her I was fine with it and I appreciated her checking with me and she went back to, let’s just say, exploring her long-standing but only recently acknowledged interest in girls. As far as I know this was her first bi-sexual experience and while I won’t go into details on a forum I literally found a couple minutes ago (maybe I will later if you’re nice and she says it’s OK heh…) let’s just say for a first time, I was a bit surprised they went well past just making out.
Since this experience she has pretty much fully accepted that she is interested in girls to a never-stops-talking-about-it level. The girl she had this experience with is (primarily?) straight and in a relationship with one of our male friends. Both he and I were in the room when this happened but it was entirely just the two girls participating, we were simply (extremely lucky) spectators. Aside from the occasional kiss or cuddling there have not been any repeat occurrences which leads me to believe either the other girl isn’t interested in girls and it was just one wild night to her or, more likely given what I’ve observed, she is interested but her boyfriend isn’t as comfortable with it as the rest of us. Which is perfectly understandable and I don’t hold it against him one bit.
So fast forward to where we are now. My wife has come right out and said she wants to continue to explore this side of herself. She doesn’t want to try to push herself on the girl she had her first experience with because she doesn’t want to cause issues with her relationship (or their friendship) but at the same time, there isn’t a day that goes by where she doesn’t tell me she wants to experience being with a girl again. She also really wants to have a three-some with me and another girl which had to have been the greatest words I’ve heard come out of her mouth since “I do.” But neither of us know how to pursue it. We’re in a committed relationship and we don’t want to complicate that by us having our relationship, but her also having a girlfriend on the side or whatever. But on the other hand, we don’t want to just go out to some bar and pick up a girl for meaningless sex, and this is all too new to her for her to feel comfortable with a stranger I feel.
I’m totally OK with her pursing these feelings. Not because I’m letting the 14 year old in my brain convince me it will turn out like a scene out of a porno, but because I’ve known for years that this is a part of her and I became OK with it long before she even acknowledged it. But basically we have reached a “what now?” crossroads.
Should we just wait for a situation to come up? Should she actively look for a girl? Should we look together or will that come across too much like me angling for a 3-way? This is first and foremost for and about her and if they want me to be involved, that’s great, but not necessary. That said I don’t feel comfortable with her just going out one night and hooking up with a stranger alone simply for safety concerns so I would want to be around, though not necessarily involved.
I guess we’re both kinda of thinking “what’s next.”
I’ve been married to my wife for almost 3 years, and we’ve been together for a little over 8. We started dating back in high school so neither of us did a ton of dating before we got together. She only really dated two other guys before me, and those were very short-term relationships, if you can really call dating someone for a couple weeks in high school a relationship. :P The entire time we’ve been together she has said that she was 100% straight, but I’ve always had the feeling she was lying to herself about that. She was raised Christian and, while I don’t have any issues with that, her parents and her faith gave her a sort of restricted view on who it was “OK” to be attracted to. In other words, she didn’t think it was right to be attracted to girls so she denied the attractions she felt. And for the first couple years we were together I pretended I “didn’t get” the attraction guys had to girl-on-girl situations because it really was a sort of taboo topic for her. Which I don’t blame her one bit for. If you are raised your entire life being told something is wrong, it’s hard to change your mind about that even when you are having internal conflicts about your own sexuality.
Throughout the years I’ve seen her have little “girl crushes” on a lot of her female friends. I know that kind of sounds condescending but I assure you, if you saw what I was talking about it, it really is the best way to put it and I mean it in the most loving way. She also seems to really enjoy porn that features girls, and seems to focus more on the girl(s) than the male participants. We are very open with each other about that sort of thing and will even watch it together, but she always seemed to shy away from the fact that she was watching the things she was watching because she is attracted to the girls. I never pushed the issue because I figured she would bring it up when she felt comfortable with it. I didn’t want her to pursue it out of some desire to please me because, by this point, I had given up the charade that I didn’t find two girls together attractive. She knew I thought it was attractive, but I had never proposed she herself do it.
A few months ago we were hanging out with some friends and we had a few drinks. My wife was being flirty with one of our female friends which didn’t really phase me since, like I said, she does it without realizing it all the time. Things started to go a bit further than they had before and my wife was getting more physical than I had ever seen her get with another girl. We’ve never done anything with anyone else or other couples or anything and neither of us have cheated on the other in the 8 years we’ve been together but, at the same time, we’ve always communicated with each other that if such a situation came up we wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to it so long as we check with the other person and all that. We are very comfortable with our relationship and don’t equate sexuality with infidelity so long as there isn’t any deceit or sneaking around involved.
My wife pulled me aside and just asked “Are you OK with this?” She was breaking through 23 years of repressed desire, was no doubt extremely confused about the entire situation and is such a sweetheart that she was concerned about how I felt about it—what a girl.:cool: I told her I was fine with it and I appreciated her checking with me and she went back to, let’s just say, exploring her long-standing but only recently acknowledged interest in girls. As far as I know this was her first bi-sexual experience and while I won’t go into details on a forum I literally found a couple minutes ago (maybe I will later if you’re nice and she says it’s OK heh…) let’s just say for a first time, I was a bit surprised they went well past just making out.
Since this experience she has pretty much fully accepted that she is interested in girls to a never-stops-talking-about-it level. The girl she had this experience with is (primarily?) straight and in a relationship with one of our male friends. Both he and I were in the room when this happened but it was entirely just the two girls participating, we were simply (extremely lucky) spectators. Aside from the occasional kiss or cuddling there have not been any repeat occurrences which leads me to believe either the other girl isn’t interested in girls and it was just one wild night to her or, more likely given what I’ve observed, she is interested but her boyfriend isn’t as comfortable with it as the rest of us. Which is perfectly understandable and I don’t hold it against him one bit.
So fast forward to where we are now. My wife has come right out and said she wants to continue to explore this side of herself. She doesn’t want to try to push herself on the girl she had her first experience with because she doesn’t want to cause issues with her relationship (or their friendship) but at the same time, there isn’t a day that goes by where she doesn’t tell me she wants to experience being with a girl again. She also really wants to have a three-some with me and another girl which had to have been the greatest words I’ve heard come out of her mouth since “I do.” But neither of us know how to pursue it. We’re in a committed relationship and we don’t want to complicate that by us having our relationship, but her also having a girlfriend on the side or whatever. But on the other hand, we don’t want to just go out to some bar and pick up a girl for meaningless sex, and this is all too new to her for her to feel comfortable with a stranger I feel.
I’m totally OK with her pursing these feelings. Not because I’m letting the 14 year old in my brain convince me it will turn out like a scene out of a porno, but because I’ve known for years that this is a part of her and I became OK with it long before she even acknowledged it. But basically we have reached a “what now?” crossroads.
Should we just wait for a situation to come up? Should she actively look for a girl? Should we look together or will that come across too much like me angling for a 3-way? This is first and foremost for and about her and if they want me to be involved, that’s great, but not necessary. That said I don’t feel comfortable with her just going out one night and hooking up with a stranger alone simply for safety concerns so I would want to be around, though not necessarily involved.
I guess we’re both kinda of thinking “what’s next.”