I just found out that my ex-boyfriend is bi. I want to support him but don't know how

[evykaiso]

So my boyfriend and I just broke up last night. It wasn't particularly dramatic, and I had felt it coming for a few weeks, it just took me a while to get him to open up to me about how he felt. He told me he didn't feel the way he used to about me, and I was fine with that. Obviously it hurt, but I understand. Anyways, he was going to sleep on the couch, but we have roommates (we live together), and I didn't really want to get them involved so I told him he could come sleep in the bed. We ended up laying in bed and talking for a long time, and he confided that he thinks he may be bisexual. I was absolutely stunned (I'm still trying to process it all), for so many reasons. He's one of the last people I would ever imagine would be bi, because he's such a man's man (football is quite possibly his one true love, haha). He told me that he's never experimented with a guy before, but that he does want to because he wants to figure out what it is he's feeling. He also told me that that's the reason that he didn't really like kissing me. This was an issue in our relationship and he said it was an issue in his previous relationship as well. Unfortunately he comes from a very conservative Asian family, and they don't even want him dating a girl from another country, so obviously they won't be too happy if they find out he's bi. He even told me he tried to commit suicide twice which made me break down in tears. I love him so much, not just romantically, but as a friend, and I want to help him and support him but I just don't know how. And I don't know if I'm strong enough to. We recently moved to a new state together and he doesn't have anyone else here. When I was trying to figure out how I was going to quit my job and move back home, he told me he wanted me to stay here. I told him that I don't think I could handle it emotionally, but honestly I don't want to leave him alone. We are supposed to talk when he gets from work tonight, but I just don't know what to do from here. I'm obviously not over him, but at the same time I want to support him while he tries to figure out who he is. I'm the only one who knows what he's going through and I don't want him to feel alone or depressed. Any advice?

[welickit]

Right now your ears are your best friends. Listen and learn, keep an open mind and then take a break to digest everything before you speak. The fact that you are talking to each other honestly is a really fantastic starting point. Now just be smart enough to take your time.

[zigzig]

It's common in strict families, that person feels ashamed if he has any attraction to his own gender. Since you were together with him, he feels that he can trust you and needs your emotional support. I think it can take some time to resolve this situation.

[Realist]

evykaiso (http://www.bisexual.com/forum/member.php?144952-evykaiso), your BF is remarkably lucky to have you for a GF!

What zigag said is true, especially with those raised in very conservative, strict, families.

Your decision to get him to stay with you that night and talk, probably helped your bond with him, too. Don't give up on him, but keep in mind that your relationship may never be the same. Only you can know when, or if, it is time for you to move on.

(I have no idea why this font is this size!)

[tenni]

I noticed that you also asked for help on another bisexual site. You are in a difficult position. Suggesting that he join at least one bisexual site may help him see another place to get feedback.

I think that it is wonderful that you feel so much attachment to him that you are trying to be helpful. He is the one who ended your relationship but he may re examine it now that the pressure has been given a manner to release via talking to you. As is often posted here...communication is most important. There are your own needs and boundaries to discuss. Some mixed couples (hetero/bi) come up with rules of engagement for the bisexual person to have sex with another of their own gender. Right now, you are wise to focus on his mental health issues but some where along the communication you are going to have to evolve your own boundaries.

As far as his emotional state, don't let it become a burden for you. It may be a good idea that he find a bisexual /gay friendly counsellor to help him figure out and accept his sexuality. Do not let him make you his ownly support or feel that you must stay as he is relying on you.