Recognition question

[shameless agitator]

I alluded in another thread to a problem I've been running into. I seem to fly under most people's gaydar and so the only way men ever show interest in me is if I wear something gay pride related. Doing this unfortunately though, sends the message to women that I'm not interested in them. What I'm wondering is if I were to make a pin with the bi flag on it how likely are people to recognize it for what it is? I guess it doesn't really matter if hets recognize it as long as they don't mistake it for a gay symbol, which would of course put me back at square one. The other question this naturally brings up is, how can we create more recognition for our flags & symbols? :bipride:

[JrzGuy3]

I alluded in another thread to a problem I've been running into. I seem to fly under most people's gaydar and so the only way men ever show interest in me is if I wear something gay pride related. Doing this unfortunately though, sends the message to women that I'm not interested in them. What I'm wondering is if I were to make a pin with the bi flag on it how likely are people to recognize it for what it is? I guess it doesn't really matter if hets recognize it as long as they don't mistake it for a gay symbol, which would of course put me back at square one. The other question this naturally brings up is, how can we create more recognition for our flags & symbols? :bipride:

I think that this is a valid concern; I remember when I came out I was (very unhappily) single. One thing that really got to me when I came out was that I wanted to be active in the BLGT community, yet I felt that in the eyes of most girls, I'd immediately advertise myself as unavailable, and that'd be that. I think that it's very definitely an issue that the Bisexual Community lacks as strong a collective identity (both among ourselves as well as outwardly projected) sa the Gay & Lesbian Community. Honestly, I've explained to many bi people the BiPride flag and what it means.

So what's the solution? I don't think this is going to change tomorrow, I think that it will change eventually. Though non-heterosexuality is not on an equal plane in society with heterosexuality, I think it's gaining ground. Homosexuality is far more accepted in society than it was a decade ago. It was also far more accepted in society a decade ago than it was two decades ago. The trend goes back further, too. While specifics may not universally support this, I'm of the strong opinion that for a long time our society has been moving more and more liberal with each successive generation. What ultimately drives this is parents raising children in (on the average across the country) increasingly liberal environments, and the more (collectively) conservative older generations are slowly dying out- literally. We live in a society where young people, when it comes to homosexuality, consistently "get it." And I think when this generation is in its 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s, and it's had and raised it's own kids, you'll see the trend continuing.

Now maybe this is only helping homosexuality; I know we've all here encountered our fair share of biphobia. Well, I trust that if the trend of social liberalization continues, biphobia will become the new homophobia.

-Marty

[ezervet]

I'm always curious as to whether or not i show up on gaydar, and also, i wonder how good mine is.

i came to the conclusion though, that the way you firm it up, is by talking to people and finding out if they're gay/bi/whatever, which isn't something i'm ready to do, haha.

[DiamondDog]

When I first came out/was coming to terms with my sexuality I was concerned with being able to be "read" as something other than het and I realized that it doesn't matter what other people think of you as but what matters is how you see yourself, and that just by being in certain environments (i.e. pride parades, GLBT meetings, gay bars/clubs) you're automatically assumed to be NOT het simply because you're there.

But then again I have been in GLBT bars/clubs and people have correctly read me as bi since I will check out everyone in a room including the women while all the monosexuals just check out the people of the same gender and some only talk to the same gender. Or I've even had het friends that I'm not out to read me as being bi/not het and it's kinda weird.

I'm really good at reading people as gay but it's rather simple once you learn the signs.

I'm also really good at reading people as being bi and it's no way that it's coincidence since all of the women I've been interested in/drawn to happened to be bisexual or came out to me when I did to them. Unfortunatley they weren't as interested in dating me as I was with them.

The very first guy I ever had sex with he turned out to be bisexual and so did the first guy I ever flogged/paddled and I met them in bars. Or I met one of my good friends who's also bi when I was drunk and he flirted with me at a bar.

Or I'll talk to men/women in a crowded bar and they'll turn out to be bisexual or click on people's profiles online who have nothing at all to do with being bi in their username and they'll be bi.

I'm also good at reading people and sometimes I'll just get a "vibe" from a guy that says "ok he's into guys or he's perhaps had some sex in his past with men but he leans more towards women".

It's happened so much that there's no way that it's coincidence even if it does seem like that at the time.

Hmm, I've had people that are into facial hair peg me as being not het because of what I wear.

[twosides]

I remember about a year ago there was a thread about this. There was talk about how fractured the recognition issue is. About how many different kinds of pins, ribbons, signs, and bumper stickers there are. I'll search for it tomorrow maybe, but I really like the idea of the bi flag being more well known. I think its a great combination of colors and meaning. I'm going to find one for my keychain.

As far as the q-dar goes (as opposed to x-dar/bi-dar/gay-dar), I'm woefully inadequate at both sending and receiving. I seem to be able to pick out of the crowd the obvious people who are gay or lesbian. And if I'm attracted to a woman in a room full of people, odds are that I'm picking out the lesbian, femme or dyke, from the crowd without knowing it. I'm just attracted to that kind of woman. I'm sure I should be aware of the flirtations sent to me by an interested party, male or female, that I just don't pick up on. But the best way to get my attention is to sit down and talk to me openly and honestly.

[taz67156]

I'm not sure how well this could work for all of you but the idea about the button's you could try having the bi flag and around it put BI PRIDE or something like that.

I myself might not be bisexual but that doesn't mean I can't think of ideas for shirts/buttons for those of you who are bisexual.

[wanderingrichard]

yah, been here done this before.. check thru our links scattered within the menus and stuff and i think you'll find the places you can get the pins, flags etc online and in a few cases locally.

been here over a year, dont cnsider myself an old timer tho, as many have been here way much longer than me. contact folks like arana, csrkate, cody, smurf, etc.. or , hell, just find the " see all posts by xxxxxxxx" link and start searching . i'm sure you can find the threads that way. [ hell, search that one using my handle if you want, i KNO i posted to at least 4 of them]

honestly, in answer, i'm totally flirt clueless .. best thing works with me is the direct approach. man, woman, camels or pigs,[ uuuhhhhmmmm, disregard that.. it wasnt meant in the manner it showed up.. :rolleyes: ] it doesnt matter.. i wouldnt kno if they are flirting or not. :banghead:

now, you want a project and a half, come teach me how to recognize who's flirting and who's not.

[someotherguy]

From what I have seen, sexual flirtation is done by either gay or straight signals. If you're all straight or all gay, you act accordingly and the other person identifies which you are, and has their response along those lines. Bisexuality is inherently confused because it answers the question of "which one?" with "both" or "neither". The thing that characterizes bisexual signaling to me is a subtle qualification of either straight or gay signals, by holding back or prolonging. For example, a straight guy will look away from s gay guy when they make eye contact. Two gays will maintain eye contact. A bi guy will look at a straight guy just a bit longer, or at a gay guy just a bit shorter. This goes a ways towards the expected gay or straight responses but not all the way, which lets them know something is up, so to speak. By not being quite recognizably gay or straight, it gets across you're something in between.

[izzfan]

Try using a LGBT dating website such as 'gaydar'... it allows you to list yourself as Bi so it isn't just for gay/lesbian ppl. Anyway, back to real-life dating.... how to be attractive to both men and women? I don't think the Bi flag is particularly well known - however you could use this to your advantage. How, you ask? Well, you're looking good, out on the pull and wearing your bi flag badge and an interested man/woman comes up to you and asks you what it represents... you've got an instant conversation starter and it shows the person (regardless of whether they are male or female) that you could be interested in them. Quite cunning, eh?

My 'gaydar' is absolutely awful and I can usually only tell if someone is gay/lesbian if they are excessively camp/butch (and even that doesn't necessarily mean that someone is gay/lesbian... I think the topic of straight camp/butch ppl was mentioned in an earlier thread) . However, I seem to have a reasonably good 'reverse gaydar' when I can usually tell pretty quickly if someone is not gay/lesbian. As for my 'bidar' it probably doesn't work as well as my 'gaydar' lol.

Izzfan