How young is too young?

[spoiledangel860505]

How young do you think is too young for parents to start talking to their child about sex and sexual orientation?

What age would you talk to them about the different parts of their body?

There is a child at the daycare center and he was playing with a doll, and kept pointing to the dolls crotch, which was neither gender (I don't think its right to not be politically correct with toys especially dolls) saying "penis" over and over and over again. The caregiver corrected him, I don't remember what was said exactly but he wasn't even 2 years old at the time, probably about 21-22 months. What would you do in that situation? I didn't really know what to say, however I am an intern and I am not really supposed to say much of anything to the kids or the parents (but that's another story I won't go into)

You know that the parents had to have taught him that word or heard it from a family member or maybe another child.

Isn't 21-22 months a little young in general (I know all children are different, I am a child care provider and see vast differences in children, ever single day) for a child to grasp the concept of body parts and what they are used for?

My mom didn't ever have the "birds and the bees" talk with me, I just kinda learned on my own. After I started puberty at age nine, she sat me down and talked to me about body changes, and what happens during puberty, but never explained sex.

I know its hard for parents to discuss this with their children, probably one of the hardest discussions on up there on the list with say no to drugs and alcohol/be responsible running a close 2nd, but once I have children, I would talk to them about sex and sexual orientation around the time they started puberty and just answer questions along the way or before hand (if they have any.)

(am I rambling or is this a valid discussion topic?)


**** I wanted to add something****

I meant to put this in the post at first but I forgot.
NudeDen reminded me however. So here it goes.

There is also another child that I have observed, when his mom came to pick him up from school one day, his mom wanted to know why he wasn't dressed in his clothes, this is the same age group by the way, so he's between 18-24 months. The little boy opened his shirt by the neck and pointed down to his nipples I'm assuming and the mother replied, "Yes those are your buttons, you have pretty buttons"

What do you think about this? I think that if she keeps calling his nipples "buttons" the child may grow up to think he has buttons on his chest, til a friend, perhaps a girl tells him the grammaricially correct name.

Also, she also says when he gets picked up, "What do you have there? its a baby, Don't play with that, that's for girls" She's teaching the child not to play with dolls because they are for girls. That's not right especially at this age, its perfectly ok in my opinion for a child his age to play with dolls, if he were 12 I would begin to worry. Oh and this has happened every time he brings a doll to her when she picks him up from school which I have seen 4 times so far.
Do you think that the environment at home has anything to do with it, maybe the father doesn't like it and she is just trying to aplese him. My grandpa didn't want his kids playing with dolls even "action figures" Or perhaps its the time period that the parents were raised or the fact that their culture is very traditional, and maybe the parents were raised to be traditional?

Lots of questions

Opinions, Opinions please....I know some may disagree and that's alright, but please disagree in a manner that is polite.

Also the question in ( ) I asked was a thought not really an open question, but thanks Wingnut for your opinion. :cool:

[wingnut]

My vote's for "rambling."

[NudeDen]

I think it's a very valid topic, and I'd have to say that 21 to 22 months is a little too young to talk about sex, but not necessarily about parts of the body and the difference between genders. But not discussed in a graphic way just a grammitically correct way. As in what the parts are really called and that everyone has them. That is if they ask.

Just my 2 cents
Dennis

[nothings5d]

Well, I'm like my parents on this issue. It's never too early to tell a child the name of any body part. Explaining the sexual nature of it has to come later though. The "where do babies come from?" discussion explaining that the baby actually grows in the mother's body whenever they ask. But the physical act of sex, yeah, about puberty. As far as drugs and alcohol, my parents explained those to me partially when I was about 6, and then just told me that if I had any questions just to ask, and then never shied away from the questions but tried to explain as best they could while I understood.

I'm of the mindset that if you don't teach a kid anything about something that they will try to learn on their own and that can result in them getting into trouble.

[wry123]

Not a moment too soon nor a moment too late. You begin when they have questions, and make sure you don't give the wrong information, or more information than they are asking for. Fearful parents make fearful children...for life! Remember, you can't teach what you don't know. Tell the truth, and tell it simply.

[wingnut]

Also the question in ( ) I asked was a thought not really an open question, but thanks Wingnut for your opinion. :cool:
That's what I'm here for. ;)

[Herbwoman39]

I agree with nothings5d, Teach the proper name for the body part from the beginning. All of this pee-pee and wee-wee crap just creates kids with sub par vocabularies. Teaching the right word for the appropriate body part is a far cry from teaching sex. After all, you want your child to know that the thing sticking out from the front of his face is his nose and the two things on the sides of his head are ears. What is wrong with teaching that boys have a penis and testicles?

As for where babies come from, I taught my sons about that when they asked at age 4 or 5. I also explained what sex was in rudimentary terms because they asked how when i explained that when a man and a woman love each other, they do something only adults do which sometimes makes a baby.

I feel that the little boy in day care was probably just practicing his new word. he just needs to be taught that there are some places that we don't talk about private body parts. No big deal.

[tink1978]

hello all,

First of all I would like to say that I am the proud mom of two little boys 4 and 2. I have taught both of my boys that that thing between their legs is called a penis, that is what it is. As for what it is for I have not said anything more than it is where the pee pee comes from. Now they like all males like to play with it the only rule they have for this is to do it in their room, I dont want to see it. My husband and I do not want them to think that they can not play with it just that there is a time and place to do it.

As for the other children in the world you really can not say anything about how the parents label or treat such things. I do not label toys as girl or boy toys they are just toys. Hell my boys got a pink my little pony castle for christmas and they use it with both the pony's and their action figures it is imaginary play. If the mother keeps telling this little boy that he can not play with it because it is for girls he may or may not have issues later down the road.

As an intern I would talk to the staff at the daycare and see what they think. And maybe they can talk to the mother about this issue.

Hope this helps

Tink

[Rhuth]

I had to share my embarasing story on this topic.

To start though, I want to explain that my parents never seemed as embarassed on this topic as other parents were, so as a result, I was not embarassed when my son started asking questions. He is very good at telling me to stop when I start to give too much information. In fact just the other day I overheard my son warning his friends that he had invited over. "Don't swear in front of my mom. She'll start explaining what the words mean!"

But the embarasing story is from when he was younger and had recently asked where babies come from. I had explained, and he felt comfortable with it. (Until the lock on our bedroom door failed a few years later, and quickly ended things. "*sob* But I thought it would be more scientific!")

Then one day in the car he asked me what it meant when someone stuck their middle finger out. Having recently explained babies to him, I felt I could give him a bit more what it was refering to.

I forgot that my younger daughter was in the car as well. She's a frilly thing and very much enamored with baby dolls. She got quite excited all of a sudden. "You mean, if I stick my middle finger in my vagina, I'll get a baby?!?!?" Oooooops!

More to the point of your questions:

The easiest way to divert a child practicing an inappropriate word in a public place is to engage them in some other game or toy. I would never scold them for using the proper word. Under a year old is too young to understand the meaning of the word "appropriate". Just dirvert them.

I preferred to teach my children the real words for their body parts, but I don't think any lasting damage is caused by using baby words like buttons. He will get corrected by peers long before any girlfriend enters the picture, and they will all playfully ask all their friends what other words they know for the body part in question.

I absolutely abhore parents discouraging a child from playing with a toy they are interested in because of their sex. I think that does much more damage than any education about body parts. Although a broken lock on a bedroom door holds a close second in causing trauma!

Sexual orientation came up in third grade. If he hung out with a girl too much, he got teased for having a girlfriend. So he hung out with a guy, and got teased for having a boyfriend.

Now, at 11, sexual orientation is fair game for discussion, and by default, my eight year old daughter overhears. I don't know how much she understands.

I made some comment that he would make some girl or boy really happy some day, and he said "I think I'm straight, mom." He figured out my sexual orientation, and confronted me with it about a year ago. So, I'm out to him.

[s_shunpike]

Bravo Tink :bigrin:

You have echoed the opinion of my wife and I. We firmly believe in the proper name for proper parts. My wife and I have also expressed to our daughter (6) that touching yourself is not wrong, just not appropriate in front of people.

Funny - on the issue of gender based toys we have gone round and round with my wife's Stepdad regarding this. Our neice is the same age as ours and she only gets "girl" toys. Grandpa believes in buying the same toys for each child. So, when our daughter was into trucks, cars and building she wouldn't get those things because they weren't girls things.

Shun!

[sammie19]

My parents raised me to know the proper names for the body parts, but being a child with childlike ways, my vocabulary was insufficent sometimes to say the words properly and I developed my own way of sayin them, which have stuck and are now family words. Vagina was quickly shortened to "gyna" and in time as I learn to read became "geena". Penis became "peenith" (baby lithp) and then ultimately "penny". So in the end mum and dads efforts were in vain and they too now use Sam's words to describe body parts!

Also being a child with childhood friends who knew them as something else, it didnt take long for me to know the alternative names most of us use today. However that is one thing my parents will not allow me to do when in their house! The family words are one thing, street words are something quite different.

[anne27]

My kids (ages 5 and 7) call their body parts by the proper terms. My older sisters use cutsie terms, 'bootabee' for butt, 'tutu' for vagina, 'willie' for penis. I also know people, grown adults, here in the South who use 'doobiedobber' for penis. Please :rolleyes: .
I have a son and a daughter and they constantly play with each other's toys. I think it's a good thing.

[deletetacount123]

My parents never talked to my sister or I about sexually AT ALL.
I remember a few times I would hear someone say something and ask my mom what it meant, she said "We're NOT having this converstation!!!" (But she did give me some books lol)

So I learned from books/internet and open minded friends. My sister learned from her friends.

My brothers were much older (11, 12 and 13 years older) than we so we sometimes heard sexual terms when they were joking around with friends.

I remember seeing the 1982 movie "Personal Best" (I wasn't suppose to be watching this by the way but some idiot - maybe my middle brother) put it in the wrong shelf. (the Kids shelf!!)
I saw my first penis in that movie and right away I was like "EWWWWWY"
Looking at it like it was the most digusting thing Ive ever seen. lol (Remember, I was SEVEN.... 7 at the time) however I liked the part with the 2 women best :) and I remember rewinding it too just to see the part again lol

No one else knew I saw the movie :) When I was done, I put it back where I found it.
I should get it again.... now that Im older, I wanna understand the story better lol

Tasha

[Barejerrfla]

Interesting topic and a sometimes difficult topic for even adults to discuss. Everyones views are different, I suppose it is all subjective to a particular situation or child. I would think being 2 years old would be a bit young myself for them to understand, though my sexual and gender identification was done at a rather early age, growing up as a nudist.

In our family it was pretty much left up to the siblings to instruct on the "correct" verbage for body parts, when and when not it was ok to use those words. The timing for the lesson was left to, when an interest was shown in body parts or they attempted to converse in a conversation that was above their vocabulary. For myself that was about 4-5, for my brother he was probily about 11 before he started or had an interest in sexual or gender topics. My rule of thumb with our... my children is when they become self-aware.. regardless of age. Starting with what the actually body parts are and acceptible conversation about them; when, where, how, whom etc.

We, my wife and I had a rather embarrassing situation occur, when our 5 year old one day in kindergarten decided to tell his classmates about our sexual likes and dislikes.... This was a conversation he over-heard in or around the house and we weren't aware he was listening or even thought he would recall it at a later time. The sentence he conveyed was " Mommy doesn;t like to eat daddies come." He then went back to playing and never mentioned why, he said it or the reason he thought it was time to share that with the rest of the world. I guess I state this, because even though you think they aren;t aware, they are very aware. This was the time for us to have "that sex talk" and what verbage and when and when not it was ok to talk about something... That in itself is a hard concept for most adults to grasp, no less a 5 year old. Also, that my wife should keep her big mouth shut about sexual topics in the house. I agree with one writer's comments(herbwoman39 I think) that it was probily a new word or phrase that he learned and wanted to share it wil his friends.

In my family, both with my parents and my children, other sexual topic where addressed when they presented themself, IE, walking around with an erection when you are nude... and around other people. Explaining this to a 4-5 year old would be difficult at best.

I am sure everyone has situational times, when things are discussed and talked about. I suppose a good base line I talked about it was around potty training "making bubbles" that is when you really have "hands-on" experience, before that I think they "usually" aren;t aware.

Just my look into this topic, comments welcome..Jerr

[Tommy2020]

Excellent thread.
Unfortunately, we have all read of parents that protested to various school boards about their children being exposed to attempts at sex education by coaches, social science teachers, and other staffers in the school system.
Yet, those same parents haven't lifted a finger to try and take an honest approach to educating these same children about the various aspects of sex and sexual function.
So, suffer those little children.
There are those of us in this broad forum that have, thank God, taken a very active approach in being honest and up front with their own children when the questions start.
My personal experience when I was younger was that I was raised by two maternal relatives and they never, never talked about sex. It was a taboo subject. I was punished severly for having those childhood experiences when I got caught.
So for my early sex education, excluding those parts that were physically painful and considered punishment and abuse, I had to depend on some close friends and my own curiosity. Possibly, quite possibly that led to my sexual orientation as it is today.
Don't know if this is too far off subject, but it is my offering.
Tommy2020

[meteast chick]

When my kids were small, we didn't name their body parts, we described their function, and by small I mean toddlers. As they became ready to potty train, we saw the necessity in naming parts, and so we used the proper terms, which sufficiently outraged my mother. I'm sorry, I'm not one to tell my child they need to tinkle and make sure to shake their pee-pee. I know they're kids, but to grow up with such terms confuses things. Yes, they've asked me where babies come from. They are 5 and 6 and I believe much too young for the actuals of this conversation. They still believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, so I won't go there. I believe I gave a very brief synopsis of attraction, the right time for a woman's body, and the basic area where babies are formed. They were sufficiently happy with that explanation, and I don't believe I overstepped anything into 'too graphic'land.

When will be the right time. Well, unfortunately probably not much longer. Kids are getting younger and younger. I just want to make certain that I bring it up and open the doorway for when they are comfortable, and if that time doesn't come I'll be stepping up making certain they don't learn it anywhere else, but even that's not 100%.

Basically, all we can do is try our best. Sometime's that's not enough, but I will have the satisfaction knowing I gave it my best shot.

luv and kisses,
xoxoxoxoxoxo
meteast

[bi-robin-calif]

Unfortunately, we have all read of parents that protested to various school boards about their children being exposed to attempts at sex education by coaches, social science teachers, and other staffers in the school system.
Tommy2020

And quite right they are, too! Let their kids learn about sex the same place I learned about it: in the gutter! <g>

But seriously, now that I'm 56, I have no problem at all talking about my thingy...

[NorthBiEast]

I grew up on a farm and my mom made sure that I always knew what those parts were for. It was always explained that the purpose of sex was for making babies, with very specific, anatomical discussion of how that happened. She'd get pretty put out if I used "nonsense words" to describe perfectly normal body parts.

Then, when I got older (11-12ish) the topic of sex for fun came up. That discussion was not nearly as informative. But that's just my mom, we've talked about sex more recently, and she still doesn't seem to think it's much fun.

Poor Mum :upside:

[spoiledangel860505]

As an intern I would talk to the staff at the daycare and see what they think. And maybe they can talk to the mother about this issue.



I wish that I could, but since its a parent that is saying, I have no right supposedly to talk to the parents at all about their care in the center. Basically they want me to keep my mouth shut, and let the "staff" take care of it and in my opinion they just don't want me to give my opinion about things, which is sad because I think they would want me to get close to the parents like I am working with the kids, and talk to them about things that happpened during the day especially if I am the only one in the afternoon time that observed them, how is another staff person supposed to tell what the child did?

I've gotten my ass chewed out (in front of other employees) about this when I supposedly talked to the mom about a diaper change I did. I didn't talk to her about it, but I got blamed for it because I am an intern.

I was going to ask my supervisor for policy and procedures, just to see if that rule was in there or whether she just doesn't want me to say anything to the parents. I never got a hanbook but I don't know.

I think I will be changing jobs pretty soon, I don't really like it there, love the kids just not the staff and their gossip that gets me into trouble. Not only that but I also keep getting sick, I have had pink eye, strep throat,the flu, colds left and right ever since starting in October. I need to build up my immune system before I start working with kids alot.

My uncle offered me a job to sit and price products and put them into the computer for 15 dollars an hour, he's the vice president of the company, and I think its awesome; however, might be kinda weird to have to call him Mr. instead of Uncle Jim.

[spoiledangel860505]

Excellent thread.

Don't know if this is too far off subject, but it is my offering.


Thank you and nah its not too far off subject, thanks for your opinion :)

[nothings5d]

I was just thinking, all historical evidence shows that in the middle ages sex education was handled at a much earlier age than the average child gets it now. But as time went on somehow it became a taboo subject and we're only now getting back to the point where it's handled at a younger age.

I wonder if that will happen again. Someday the world is going to wake up and a majority of people will think that we teach these things to a kid at far too young an age and then it'll revert back to the taboo stage.

[biwords]

In the Middle Ages, didn't most families live and sleep in one room? That would have taken care of the sex-ed problem, I'd think...

[Solomon]

hhmmm i don't think there's a sex-ed problem. i think it's a wisdom problem.

[secrets2729]

My take on this is that the first child you mentioned had probably just been introduced to potty training. Many parents feel pressured by society to have children toilet trained by age 2. I have 2 boys and I think it's silly to give childish names to their body parts, so a basic first step is to know what pee comes out of and its proper name. I don't think it's unusual for a boy that age to know body parts.
The second child - whether or not to teach gender roles is, sadly, up to the parents. Unless it's affecting the child's relationship with other kids or behavior at the daycare, there's really nothing you can do about it. My boys have no concept of gender roles and I want to keep it that way, but other parents are so concerned about the "masculinity" of their sons that they feel the need to emphasize it. Probably if the mother simply ignored the boy playing with dolls, he would satisfy his curiousity and eventually other boys he plays with would pressure him to play with "boy" toys. I'm not saying it's right, just what happens.
My oldest is being introduced to super heroes at preschool by other boys, but he still asks for the "girl" toys at McDonald's!