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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I've sat and talked to guys about their fears and tell them, honestly, that it's okay and normal to be afraid but let's get to which fears are real one and which ones could be their imagination working overtime - and that just ain't easy to do. I've truthfully told them that sex - any sex - is inherently risky and no matter who you're trying to have sex with. Is the taste of sperm as bad as people say it is? It can be. If anal, does it really hurt as bad as people say it does? Yes, it can hurt and in later years, I've likened it to getting a tattoo - and it does hurt and it can hurt like a son of a bitch - but depending on some stuff. I have 14 tats and getting them did hurt at first - then it stopped hurting but I have two on my chest and, yeah, they hurt beyond belief and so bad that I almost punched out the artist.

If you do this, does it mean that you're really gay? Oh, fuck no! The truth is that not all guys who have sex with guys are gay but it is also true that gay guys have sex like this. What if someone finds out that you did this? A real fear... but I've answered this question by asking them, "How would someone else find out that you did? The only way I know of is either you tell someone you did or whoever you did it with tells someone - and that someone knows you (or knows of you); some guys, believe it or not, unintentionally rat themselves out and often without saying a word - but how they're now acting can get someone wondering why you're acting the way you are... and some people are gonna ask... and some people are intuitive enough to "know" why you're acting the way you are.

Otherwise, how would someone else know? It's "funny" that guys have taken the plunge and become paranoid or, like one guy told me, after he sucked dick for the first time, he felt like [B]everyone[/B] who saw him knew what he'd just got done doing. And married guys can be just as afraid of these things I've mentioned as single guys can be. Having that first time is a very emotional moment and I try to get a guy to use his intelligence and not let his emotions run wild and, nope - it's not that easy to do; guys can intelligently agree that there's little to be afraid of but emotionally? Fear is stomping a mudhole all in their ass - metaphorically speaking, of course.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I have literally sat with guys looking for that first time - or advice on how to get it - and they're so highly strung about it that I've seen them literally shaking; I've seen guys throw up and, um, let's say that a couple of guys didn't make it to the bathroom in time. I've heard so many guys tell me, "I want to this - I need to do this... but I'm afraid to..." and I learned to ask, "What are you afraid of?"

Then it's all about sitting and listening to what scares the shit out of them... and then trying to convince them to not be all that afraid. The fear of the unknown is damned powerful and, again, it's a crazy fear because it is well known that guys suck and fuck each other and those results are what they are... but how is that gonna be for them? No idea at all and even when they've kinda made up their mind what it is they wanna do first and it's pretty easy to just sit and think about that... but doing it?

I've had them ask me if I was afraid my first time and it probably doesn't help them when I tell them that I was too damned curious about it to be afraid; it's a lesson that I think is very important: What scares the shit out of one guy won't scare the shit out of some other guy so making the decision to take the plunge - and based upon the experiences of the guy you're talking to, eh, it might help and it might not because that was them... and not you.[/SIZE][/FONT]

I was exploring my submissive side when I met a man that turned me into a feminine submissive bottom. He would call me and say "how's my little faggot" , god that turned me on. He took total control of me sexuality, he would tell me to touch myself, call me at work and demand I start playing with my cock while I was sitting at me desk, or to jerk off in the mens room, or stroke my cock and taste my pre-cum, or his favorite to finger myself till I had at least 3 fingers in me. He even had me expose my cock in public, while I was driving, walking from the store to the car, and even when I walked my dog, on a public road, he would command my to take my hard cock out, and stroke it while walking.
He would call me late at night to suck his cock, I would sometimes suck is cock in his driveway, were we could be seen! We went to a couple of gay clubs and I would suck his cock in public, did I love that. He'd pick guys out for me to suck off or fuck. When we were together I was either his good boy or bad boy, when I was his good boy he would stroke and kiss my bottom, and softly lick my hole telling me how sweet I tasted, when I was bad I'd be spanked and remined who was in charge. even though had a small thin cock, I loved when he fucked me. He fucked me from behind or spooning, size was he to small to please me, but the energy I felt from him made his cock feel magical inside me. when he would cum in me with that pleased look of his face, it was so wonderful that I had pleased my man.

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Over the decades, I've given a lot of guys their first experience with dick and I've been in the situation even more times when a guy wants to take the plunge... but he's just too afraid. Fear of being found out; oddly, not so much fear about catching something nasty; fear of becoming gay - this is a major one - but I think the biggest fear is not knowing what's gonna happen and whether or not they're gonna like it as much as they think they will.

If that last thing sounds silly to you, don't laugh: It's a very real fear and I'll tell you why. It's one thing to know that guys have sex with each other; it's one thing to actually know another guy who has; it's is seriously a different kettle of fish when you're the one looking to do something for the first time. Given how much gay porn is available, one can easily see guys getting at each other and this, too, is another kettle of fish. It's "real," you can see and hear it... but that's the guys on the screen and that creates a disconnect that, in my experiences, does little to alleviate fears.

When it comes to the first time, I guess it's just human nature to always think of the worst that can happen... and the human mind is more than capable of creating fears that, in reality, don't exist or may never make an appearance. I've sat and listened to guys "what if" themselves so much it's given me a headache and the one thing I learned is that if a guy believes that the worst is going to happen, good luck trying to convince him otherwise. What makes things even more difficult are all of the horror stories making the rounds; we will even hear of a guy's crappy first experience and can, somehow, convince ourselves that our first time is going to be just as bad... or much, much worse.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]It was, if nothing else, the easiest way to find out about sex; why run around looking for someone else who might want to do it when you lived with someone who would be, most of the time, very interested in doing it? When you would find yourself stuck in the house for some reason and you couldn't go outside - but you wanted to do it with someone - well, if you had a brother or sister and they were willing, you didn't need to go outside even if you could.

Just don't get caught. Some did and some never got caught... but I still believe that a lot of parents [B]knew[/B] what was going on and didn't say anything about it and they knew that their kids were having sex with other kids, too. Shit... I got one hell of a beating because my mom and grandmom [B]thought [/B]I was screwing my sister. Well, I was... but not when they jumped on me and started beating the shit out of me. I thought my sister had ratted us out but after my very bad beating, she told me that she hadn't said a thing about it. It was just that as adults, they just believed that it [B]might[/B] happen so my beating was a pre-emptive strike.

So, yeah - adults knew.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]When I've talked to others about this, they're either excited... or very appalled that the "I" word was going on as much as it was. Those who'd be shocked and appalled would always say it was abuse... and sometimes it was by any definition but I knew, even if they didn't, that it wasn't always as bad as they - or anyone else - thought about it. Those of us who were "into it" [B]wanted[/B] to be into it. The sex we had this way was better than the sex we were having with each other.

Of course, there were those who were very afraid of this and/or totally against it and that made sense; they'd do it with someone else before doing it with a sibling or cousin... and being the very smart kid I was, I knew there was a lesson to be learned and, namely, it happened but not to or with everyone who was on the crazy train about having sex. Like I said, it was so commonplace where I grew up that no one thought it was unusual and if it didn't teach me anything else, it taught me that you could have sex with [B]anyone[/B] and it was better when you or they wanted to do it. Making someone do it like this was very bad - that much was very clear. But if they wanted to? It just wasn't a problem at all and no one who wanted to wound up being traumatized or scarred in any way.

Then I found out that it didn't happen just in my neighborhood and it just wasn't Black kids even though we did have this one white family whose kids were very much into have sex and with their siblings... or anyone else who wanted to do it. One of my friends had a very alcoholic mother who'd get drunk... and wanted her son to fuck her; I not only saw this but I got invited to join in one time and, no - I didn't hesitate or think twice about it even though I did think it was kinda weird. And that guy wasn't the only one screwing his mom; we did think that was unusual because if a parent was involved, it was usually a dad screwing his son... or his daughter but, okay, moms could do the same thing and that, too, just stopped being unusual to us.

You find out about this and, yeah, it seriously freaks a lot of people out and that's understandable... but I learned that if you thought or believed that it never happened and shouldn't happen, well, you'd be wrong about that because it did and more than anyone could possible imagine.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]There were some guys who were... forced to do it. Some wound up being traumatized by it while more of them just went with it and learned to like it. I though this was weird and it took me a lot of years to figure out why being made to do it didn't make them crazy. If anything, this was the bad part of being exposed to the "I" word.

One day, a friend and I had been hanging out in front of his place when his father called him in - and his dad seemed to be mad about something. He went in and I just went with him and his father got in his case about not making his bed and doing his chores before going out and even I could sense that he was going to be punished for it... but what I didn't have a clue about was how he was gonna be punished. When it became clear to my friend that his punishment was gonna happen, he looked like he would rather be run over by a car but that didn't surprise me because, really - who liked getting a beating?

So when his dad pulled his dick out and shoved it my friend's mouth, I was beyond shocked and I started to run - but he told me to stay right where I was so I could see what happened to boys who didn't do as they were told. It was horrible and, I had to admit, exciting, too. I was frozen in place and afraid to move as the dad, wow, did he ever fuck his son in the ass! The thing that got to me was even though my friend seemed to hate it, he also didn't seem to hate it all that much. I was just glad his father didn't get it into his head to do that to me!

This, too, was just the way it was. If it wasn't a brother or, gasp, a dad or uncle, there were a lot of guys who got introduced to dicks by a cousin - a whole lot of them. It used to make me wonder if cousins - and cousins who didn't live in the city - were just hornier than anyone else. One friend had a cousin visit with him and he introduced his cousin to us and the firs thing the guy wanted to know was who liked doing it with boys - then proceeded to do it to our friend and he was more than happy to do it.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Quite a few times, I got to watch siblings doing each other and more brother on brother than brother on sister and, the first time I saw it, I was... confused and "shocked" that my friend and his older brother would do it in front of me since we all understood that doing it to another boy was best kept as much of a secret as possible. That first time, I was at my friend's house as his parents were leaving and his brother was coming in to watch him while they were gone. The parents hadn't been gone a good two minutes before the older brother just pulled his dick out and walked over to my friend, whose eyes lit up like it was Christmas. Before he started sucking his brother's dick, he smiled at me like he had stolen something and his brother looked at me, winked, and settled in to be sucked before yanking down his brother's gear and just shoving his dick in - and the fact that it went in so easily and without any Vaseline told me it wasn't the first time they'd done it.

I was mad because I wasn't invited to join in, too. But in other moments, I'd be invited. Some guys had sisters who were, well, they were sluts; they loved having boys do it to them and loved sucking any dick they could suck and their brother or brothers were their main customer. It was so common that if I was hanging out with a guy and his "slutty" sister and she announced that she wanted both of us to do it to her, I just never thought twice about it and more so after my sister and I started doing it.

It just was what it was. Nothing unusual going on here. I watched one of my friends who had three older brothers be in heaven when all three of them took turns doing it to him; I was mad because I wasn't invited and I was "impressed" that the four of them were that bold to do it in front of me - the jerks![/SIZE][/FONT]