Navigating Bisexual Desires Within Marriage ? How Have You Approached This?

Hi everyone,

I?m in the process of navigating my bisexual desires while being in a committed marriage, and I?m curious to hear from others who?ve been in a similar situation. My wife and I have a strong relationship, and over the past several months, we?ve been having deeper conversations about individuality, intimacy, and the complexity of desire.

For me, I feel a deep connection to the idea of occasional male exploration, which is something I?m working to align with both my personal values and my commitment to my wife. I?m trying to approach this with mindfulness, openness, and patience, and I recognize the importance of building trust and creating space for both of us to explore our desires in a way that feels safe and respectful.

I?d love to hear from those who?ve navigated this journey:

How did you introduce the topic to your spouse/partner?

Did you explore this together at first, or was it more of an independent journey?

What boundaries or agreements have worked for you and your partner?

How did you ensure that trust and intimacy were preserved as you explored?


I?m particularly interested in hearing how others have maintained balance between honoring their desires and commitments to their partner. I think stories and insights from this group could provide guidance and perspective as I continue down this path.

Thanks in advance for sharing your experiences!

This is my second marriage. While we were just getting to know each other we talked very frankly about our lives and sexual desires. It was during questions about threesomes that I told her I’d be good with another guy instead of a woman. That led to my telling her I had been with a guy. She wanted all the details and found it very erotic. She watched via webcam one encounter while we were still nonexclusive. Once we decided to marry it kind of fell by the wayside. Our sex life was very good until menopause. At that point sex became difficult and frustrating for her. With the decline I started playing with a dildo. When she came upon she asked if I still was interested in cock. It has always been about that and not a desire for intimacy with a man. She accepted that and agreed with me exploring it. We talked about what we both wanted and how it would happen. “Rules of Engagement”. I’d let her know if I was going to have a “date” and made sure the timing was good for her. That was the “not to interfere with her time with me” rule. I would share the details with her including any pics or videos. We openly discussed the encounters. My interests expanded to include anal sex. I’m a bottom so it was about me being on the receiving end. The interesting thing was this really ignited her passion. She has gotten over the issues experienced during menopause and has been even more involved in who I pick and what turns her on when she watches the videos. She has taken pics of me to share with prospective hook ups. We just keep the communication open and respect each others boundaries and desires. Despite offers of a bi threesome I’ve declined as she is the only woman I’ll have sex with. Multiple guys is fine. It’s been a door opened for her as well to try some stuff she wouldn’t have done with me before.

The key is really open and nonjudgmental communication. Be clear about boundaries and talk about them if there is something you want to try before doing so. Trust is a big factor.

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Originally Posted by NJwood

This is my second marriage. While we were just getting to know each other we talked very frankly about our lives and sexual desires. It was during questions about threesomes that I told her I?d be good with another guy instead of a woman. That led to my telling her I had been with a guy. She wanted all the details and found it very erotic. She watched via webcam one encounter while we were still nonexclusive. Once we decided to marry it kind of fell by the wayside. Our sex life was very good until menopause. At that point sex became difficult and frustrating for her. With the decline I started playing with a dildo. When she came upon she asked if I still was interested in cock. It has always been about that and not a desire for intimacy with a man. She accepted that and agreed with me exploring it. We talked about what we both wanted and how it would happen. ?Rules of Engagement?. I?d let her know if I was going to have a ?date? and made sure the timing was good for her. That was the ?not to interfere with her time with me? rule. I would share the details with her including any pics or videos. We openly discussed the encounters. My interests expanded to include anal sex. I?m a bottom so it was about me being on the receiving end. The interesting thing was this really ignited her passion. She has gotten over the issues experienced during menopause and has been even more involved in who I pick and what turns her on when she watches the videos. She has taken pics of me to share with prospective hook ups. We just keep the communication open and respect each others boundaries and desires. Despite offers of a bi threesome I?ve declined as she is the only woman I?ll have sex with. Multiple guys is fine. It?s been a door opened for her as well to try some stuff she wouldn?t have done with me before.

The key is really open and nonjudgmental communication. Be clear about boundaries and talk about them if there is something you want to try before doing so. Trust is a big factor.

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I'll second that!

At 54 years old and my youngest being 18. If I did get divorced, I will never remarry. For a variety for reasons….financial etc. modern women are a pain in the ass. And the iPhones have make them ADHD. I’m a hopeless romantic but very much a realist. And give the last 14 years of my current sexless marriage, has brought out the bi side in me. Men are sooo wonderfully simple.

My wife and I are both bi and open to one another about our bisexuality and fantasies. We play with others together. She is allowed to play with anybody as long as she is safe and I know about it.

I am impressed that you have the strenth of communication and relationship to discuss this. I dont think I can broach this subject in my marriage. I am very commited to it but struggle with the bi desires. Especially when sex wanes with age. But I still want to be there for my wife at the same time. I know its not her choice.

so furtive , occasional and guit infused is how I proceed : (

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Originally Posted by BiFocalDreams

Hi everyone,

I?m in the process of navigating my bisexual desires while being in a committed marriage, and I?m curious to hear from others who?ve been in a similar situation. My wife and I have a strong relationship, and over the past several months, we?ve been having deeper conversations about individuality, intimacy, and the complexity of desire.

For me, I feel a deep connection to the idea of occasional male exploration, which is something I?m working to align with both my personal values and my commitment to my wife. I?m trying to approach this with mindfulness, openness, and patience, and I recognize the importance of building trust and creating space for both of us to explore our desires in a way that feels safe and respectful.

I?d love to hear from those who?ve navigated this journey:

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My wife showed so many obvious body language and other cues that were impossible to miss.
She was always too inhibited/embarrassed to admit anything directly.
A lot of religious guilt when she was younger. But the clues accumulated over time.
I won't go into detail but the signs came from a lot of directions.
Eventually, I found opportunities in our sex talk to hint and fantasize about her with other women and men.

The plausible deniability that came up a few times was that she was just playing along with my fantasies.

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How did you introduce the topic to your spouse/partner?

Did you explore this together at first, or was it more of an independent journey?

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Anyway, in that fantasizing, especially during oral sex, I expressed a desire to be down there with her.

It turns out she also has a lot of fantasies about male on male action too.
She reads a huge number of romance novels, and lately they've all been about gay and bi with
graphic (text) descriptions of the action. But for a long time, the context was just fantasizing
and talking during sex.

We did, for a very brief time, dipped our toes in swinging and poly, together.
Everything was on the up and up between us. She and I were on a few sites together looking.
The plausible deniability started to fall apart when we had a 3-some, and a few dates.
She was over the top thrilled being touched by a woman, but it didn't go very far at all.

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What boundaries or agreements have worked for you and your partner?

How did you ensure that trust and intimacy were preserved as you explored?

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It proved too much for her emotionally, and for her sake we withdrew from the lifestyle.
Each got some form of counseling. We also went through very long periods of sexlessness
after that as her libido was crushed with medications her Dr. prescribed for mood.

She developed a crush a coworker several months ago. I guess you could say she
dated her, going out to a local new-age convention and a few other nights out.
In any other situation it would be seen as just a girls-day-out sort of thing.
But her attitude was very visceral, new-relationship energy kind, which even coworkers
picked up on and by my wife's own description of how the day went, they felt jealous or betrayed over.
It was very much an emotional/romantic interest.

It remains to be seen whether she will consider a physical relationship with the girl.
I think she would do it if I encouraged her to, but I asked her to focus on us for now.
The fact is the girl is a train wreck, separated but still married to a violent guy with few prospects.

Given her prior breakdown I thought it was not a good idea,
and as she's just able to get some of her libido back I want to get my share.

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I?m particularly interested in hearing how others have maintained balance between honoring their desires and commitments to their partner. I think stories and insights from this group could provide guidance and perspective as I continue down this path.

Thanks in advance for sharing your experiences!

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I don't know if we'll either really be able to explore further without going very slowly, if that.
My wife seems often to be oblivious to the emotional consequences of things she says,
and might be slightly autistic. Even her coworkers felt the dynamic and were alienated by
it. I've seen it before so I recognized it. So I feel like I need to guard her emotional state,
and not allow my own libido color my thoughts too much about where we go or what I ask of her.